


Doubt Times Two

by meyari



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Doubt, M/M, burn scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-17
Updated: 2010-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-08 01:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meyari/pseuds/meyari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a comment_fic prompt by snowglow1275: <em>SGA, Carson/Rodney(/Carson?), Carson Prime didn't die in Sunday</em>.  Didn't quite manage Carson/Rodney/Clone!Carson but there's hope that it'll happen eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubt Times Two

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this for ages! Once they introduced the Clone!Carson I wondered what would have happened if the original Carson hadn't died in the explosion. Great big thank you's to snowglow1275 for the prompt that finally let me get this out of my head. Hope everyone enjoys!

Rodney checked the infirmary, frowning when he realized that Carson wasn't there. Well, he was there but it wasn't really _Carson_. Not his Carson anyway, though the new cloned Carson was every bit the man that Rodney remembered from before the explosion on that terrible Sunday.

The thought of that Carson looking at him with those confused and angry eyes was disorienting enough that Rodney hurried out of the infirmary and headed for the cafeteria. Carson wasn't there though he did get some concerned looks from the team. John shook his head no at Rodney's vague hand gesture, correctly interpreting it as a request to know if they'd seen the real Carson.

Worry started bubbling up as Rodney checked the labs, Elizabeth's office and then all the rest of Carson's hiding places, including Rodney's rooms. He wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere, which left only one place left. Carson rarely spent time in his own rooms anymore. Since the explosion he'd spent far more time with Rodney than anywhere else. He hated the thought that Carson might have retreated back into his shell and for an instant wished that they'd never found the cloned Carson.

"Are you okay?" Rodney asked the instant he was in Carson's rooms.

The fact that the door opened automatically and let him in still made his heart flutter a little. That tiny gesture meant so much, especially when he saw how grim and upset Carson looked. He hadn't seen this expression since Carson had first gotten out of the infirmary and realized just how much his life had changed.

"Aye, Rodney, I'm fine," Carson sighed. He hobbled over to the desk and sat heavily, his cane hooked over the edge of the desk. "Why wouldn't I be? Seeing another version of myself who's been tortured by my failed experiment for two years wouldn't be upsetting at all now would it?"

"Carson," Rodney huffed as he wrapped his arms around Carson's back. "Genius here. You're not fooling anyone, much less me."

Carson made a sound that was probably supposed to be a sigh but which sounded far more like a whimper crossed with a pained moan. He leaned back against Rodney's chest, his good hand resting on Rodney's arms. His hair had never grown back all the way after the explosion but it was long enough to cover the worst of the scars on the back of his head. The glove that Carson wore to protect his left hand hid the gnarled scars covering his fingers. Rodney thought that he was the only person who got to see them anymore.

"He's a version of you," Rodney murmured, "but he's not you. That version looks at me and doesn't see _me_, Carson. He just sees his friend."

"That's where your wrong, Rodney," Carson said as he turned his head to look up into Rodney's eyes. "He hides it better but I wanted you even then. I can see it. He wants you as much as I do."

Rodney traced the faint burn scars that marked Carson's left cheek. He'd been half turned back to look at the Marine putting the explosive tumor away when it had gone off. There were so many things that Rodney regretted about that Sunday but somehow the burns had never been among the regrets that haunted him. They would forever mark Carson's body but they were the visual symbol of his survival.

"You're beautiful to me," Rodney murmured as he bent to kiss Carson. "I don't want a perfect body, Carson. I want _you_. Scarred and tough and flawed, I want you."

"Romantic," Carson chuckled as a pleased blush spread across his cheeks, highlighting the burn scars. "And here I thought you'd like to have a Carson on both ends."

Rodney froze as the idea flashed through his brain and set him on fire. He shook his head and glared at Carson who laughed quietly at him. The regret and worry were still there in Carson's eyes so he shook his head and waggled a finger at Carson while clucking his tongue.

"Oh, no you don't!" Rodney snapped. "You're not distracting me this time, Carson. As hot as that would be, I'm not going to do anything that would hurt you. Stop comparing yourself to him. You're nothing alike, despite his being your clone."

"Ah but you're wrong again, laddie," Carson said with such a wry smile that it nearly made Rodney cry. "My scars are all visible. His aren't."

Rodney sighed and knelt down next to Carson. He wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tight. There wasn't much more that he could do. Communication wasn't his strong point but Rodney was perceptive enough to know that this level of insecurity wasn't going to be dealt with anytime soon. All he could do was be there for Carson as he had been since that terrible Sunday.


End file.
